The number one complaint or comment made by military spouses these days is, "My husband / boyfriend is not the same man who left to go to war." The sad fact is that these spouses could not be more right. Many of our loved ones are not the same and will never be the same again. Posttraumatic stress takes the strongest and brave soldier and drag him or her. Into a vortex of symptoms that are difficult to understand and conquer These symptoms are often so severe that they leave you wondering who this person is, what is wrong in the world, and what can you do to help?
The important thing is that you can do for yourself and your spouse, who may have post-traumatic stress disorder help is to educate yourself. You need to know what the symptoms are - not a checklist of words that sound bad, but that you can not relate. You have to realize for yourself how this condition relates to your man. You need to recognize the potential risks of this disease and what you can do about it.
It is true that it is not the same and your loved one will never be the same person. He is forever changed. It can be imagined in the middle of the largest mental minefield. He may not even know what happens to him. He may not be able to verbalize what is going on in his mind and in his body. He might not be able to ask for help.
Your loved one can be violent, angry, aggressive, isolating, drink, do drugs, or seriously threaten suicide. He could go through flashbacks, nightmares, and not able to sleep. Most PTSD suffers quickly find themselves weary and worn to the point of giving up. These are symptoms that he was not going to verbalize to you, unless the problem is so obvious that he has no choice.
Post Traumatic Stress is a very serious disease. Suicide rates of troops from Iraq and Afghanistan sandboxes are always off the chart. Our soldiers come back and kill themselves record numbers. So, if you have returned from a war zone recently your loved ones, and your observation is that he is just not the same, pointing to signs and symptoms that look like post-traumatic stress disorder.
The number one thing you can do to someone who has PTSD can help is to know what is happening to them and to be proactive. PTSD is a debilitating disease, and those who do often do not verbalize their experiences at the time.
It is absolutely true your husband is not the same, and he will never be the same again, but there is hope for those who have PTSD. As a spouse, as someone who cares is the first step to the actual facts of what PTSD is, what the symptoms are and how to get to deal with them. Second, you have to formulate a plan for how you will react when the symptoms occur. Posttraumatic stress has better with time. People want to relax and go on very happy to lead productive lives. There is absolutely hope, but recovery takes a lot of support and time.
If you are "just not the same" is the feeling that your loved one is, you are not alone. There are thousands of women, the military exactly the same way that you feel. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to know what you have to do, and learn how to heal from it.
Erin Harrington, BHSM, MSP. Expert on PTSD because I have PTSD and working with others who suffer from this disease. Author of PTSD: What to do if you do not know what to do. There is help for PTSD and it is not out of reach....
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